Shoo away Cancer!

There's not a single soul who's not apprehensive about cancer.  The very word has such a power that it brings jitters to your whole body. I am no different here. It isn't actually the fear of What-If-I-Get-It syndrome, but it is some kind of a strange feeling that baffles my mind.  One that is daunting, and leaves me with heavy heart invariably when I hear someone say "Do you know, X is diagnosed with cancer"!! 

I am a bold woman, but this very hideous word "cancer" stabs me every time I hear of it. It mocks at me; at everyone. It ridicules at the science, human intelligence and lastly, human emotions!

Do you remember Lisa Ray's Yellow Diaries, a blog she had been writing while taking treatments for cancer.  I was a regular reader of her blog then, and reading each and every post brought unstoppable tears into my eyes. Undoubtedly, she was such a determined and strong-hearted lady, she fought cancer so positively and kicked straight at its ass!  I've always wondered where she got such a strong will. I admired her for that, was awestruck at the way she held her courage. I made up my mind if ever I'm diagnosed with cancer, I will have the willpower of 1000 Lisa Rays inside me and I will f*** that filthy cancer off my body, cell by cell!! 

Little did I know then that not only one should be strong if they had cancer, but equally show the courage when someone among the kith and kin is affected.  That realization came late, very late! I understood the fear I had was not for myself, but about my near and dear ones! What if someone close to my heart is diagnosed with cancer? How will that put me as a strong willed lady?  My courage was put to test! It came in the form of 2 of my close ones who were diagnosed with cancer.

Actually both of them were women, and they were very dear to my Mom.  One was her dear sister, and another her best friend.  Ever since my childhood, I've known them, and have a special place in my heart too, just like they had for me and my family. Although my whole family were shocked about the news, it was my mom who was totally devastated when she heard the news, both of it at the same time.  Both of these women are really brave and have managed the family without any support for a good long time.  I am extremely proud to have known them.  

But when I had to confront one of them personally, that became my biggest challenge of lifetime! It was customary that whenever I go to India, I never fail to visit aunt's house.  I wanted to see her, but didn't know how.  The reason was that my Mom kept updating me about her current treatment, and her situation.  I knew she'd lost weight, not able to walk, lost her hair completely. I wasn't sure if I could hold my tears tight when I see her eye-to-eye. Eventually I did, at-least in front of her, but couldn't keep that fake smile for long enough. I had to rush to go into loo and have a private space to open my water reservoir.   And then I did not see her eye to eye until I was there, but continued to smile, and be happy. When I was about to leave, I did hug her, kissed her and asked her to be strong and left.  Came back home and again went to restroom to re-open my reservoir. It's difficult to confront them, right?

Not just cancer, the news is also contagious!! At one point, I felt it was like some Cancer-mania.  That's the only news I heard about, always! In a given time, I've heard of 6 people who were diagnosed with cancer. When you hear of someone (not very close or someone you've only heard of) affected with Cancer, you pity them a lot, talk about it, and say "May God be with them" "Let God give them enough strength", and probably forget about it! 

But our perspective about it changes when we see someone from a close quarter battling this disease day in and day out, managing the family chores, trying to keep the family happy, keep themselves motivated, and not wanting to see or hear those pity look or words from the family/friends.  They and their family need physical help to manage day-to-day chores, may be financial help to combat the treatment expenses, and tons of confidence and moral support to face the upcoming battle.  Not our "I am sorry" face!! 

I understood that chemotherapies are expensive, and are extremely painful. And the whole body tend to react and will have a lot of side effects.  Like pins and needles in legs and hands, body pain, muscle ache, shivers, alopecia, and a lot more.  And while taking chemos, they can't stand for too long or do household chores just like how they would be doing them earlier.  The family should be able to understand this and help the patient with daily chores.  If its the woman of the family who is going through therapy they need someone to clean the house, cook food, wash clothes and take care of other myriad household work.  Of course, it's possible to keep a maid help for all of this. But how many families can afford this?

After my own personal experiences, I am sharing 5 do's and don'ts that one can/can't do to support the patient and their family. 

DO'S
1. Help them with breakfast/lunch or dinner. 
2. Spend quality time with them at their home.
3. Do any help with the household chores like cleaning, ironing, putting clothes on machine, cutting veggies, mopping the floor, buying weekly groceries, picking/dropping kids at school etc.
4. Talk about things that motivate them, success stories of surviving people, and help them gain confidence in facing the chemos/operation/therapy.
5. Be normal, as you used to be with them. Nothing more or nothing less.

DON'TS
1. Don't say "I am sorry to hear this news".  It sounds very depressing! 
2. Do not say "let me know if you need any help". Just do it.  It's obvious they need help and don't expect them to ask each and every one to help them.  But sure they wouldn't mind if you do help them in anything.
3. Don't keep reminding them that they have cancer.  
4. Don't cry in front of them.  
5. Do not sympathize them. Let your sympathy and empathy only be in your mind and action. 

All these pointers are from  my own experience. If you would like to add any other points, do add them in the comment section.  

For all the time I've thought that fear was universal, until I saw multitude of famous personalities that starting fighting cancer in their personal lives. Yuvraaj Singh, Nelson Mandela, Manisha Koirala for instance.  The name list keeps growing, but they've successfully battled this dreaded disease and have come back with a bang - pretty strong and happy! 

This does teach us that nothing can stop someone from living and enjoying a life!!